鸡
哈哈今天柯马修发来一张照片，笑死。不过看这女孩的样子，很光明的，你告诉她是鸡的意思，她也会开心地笑。
以前中国人穿衣服，上面写着“let’s pee”，或者像伏明霞的“fuck”，知道了意思以后，就变成了笑话。
今天早上起床的时候，我脑子里出现了阿姆斯特丹的红灯区，据说值得一逛，也可以疯狂购物。这后一点……
又，鸡为什么要过马路？一个经典的网络创作。回顾一下：
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
鸡为什么要过马路?
Plato: For the greater good.
柏拉图: 为了追求更高的善.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
马克斯: 历史的必然性.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
马基维利: 为了使它的臣民对他心怀景仰, 因为它是一只有勇气过马路的鸡.. 同时也为了使它的臣民恐惧, 因为没有鸡敢去挑战这样的鸟类美德典范. 那只鸡以此维持他的统治地位.
(此人为绝对君权至上者)
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of black bile and a deficiency of choleric humour.
希波克拉底: 由於黑胆汁分泌过多而胆汁分泌不足.
(此人乃古希腊医生，被誉为医学之父)
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
雅克·德里达: 鸡过马路这件行为将引发各种争论. 而且由於我们永远弄不清楚每个提出论点的人背後的意图为何, 因此每种诠释都具有相同的正当性. 因为结构主义已死!
他妈的! 死掉了!
(法国哲学家,解构主义的创建者.现在为史丹佛大学的哲学教授, 不过,人比较粗一点就是了.)
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
陶开马沙: 请让我跟鸡独处十分钟, 我就能知道答案.
(此人乃西班牙第一任之宗教裁判官，在他任职期间受火刑而死的约有2000人)
Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Timothy Leary: 因为这是它在体制下唯一能做的事情.
(Leary曾是哈佛心理学教授，主要闻名於世的是以迷幻药教主的身份鼓励大众使用LSD，开发心灵领域，带动六零年代的嗑药风潮。曾经被逮捕入狱又神秘地越狱成功，是反体制的象徵人物)
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Douglas Adams: 42.
(1920-1996，心理小说家)
(科幻小说家，着有「搭便车者的银河指南」等书, 这人写了一本小说，里头描述在某个未来人们用超级电脑计算”人类生存的目的是什? “一类的大问题，结果电脑算了半天以後就出现这个数字。)
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
尼采： 若你一直凝视着路的另一端, 路也要开始注视你了.
(讽其”主体与世界对立”说)
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
史金纳: 外来影响力在鸡诞生时便已渗入其感觉中枢, 并使它朝特定方向发展, 具有过马路的天生倾向. 它甚至会相信自己这麽做是出自自由意志.
(美国行为主义;认为外在刺激决定其行为)
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
荣格: 在文化整体格架中的诸事件之汇流, 使得个别的小鸡在历史转折处穿过马路, 因而同时使得这类偶然事件发生了。
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
沙特: 为了秉持信念行事并对自己诚实, 鸡觉得自己有必要过马路.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
维根斯坦:
“穿过”的可能性被包含在”鸡”跟”马路”这两个对象当中,而环境使得此一潜在可能性实现.
(奥利地籍语言分析学派哲学家)
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your
frame of reference.
爱因斯坦: 究竟是鸡过马路, 或是马路过鸡,
取决於你的叁考座标.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
亚里斯多德: 为了发挥潜能.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken- nature.
佛陀: 你会提出这样的问题，表示你否定自己本具的鸡性。
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
休姆: 出於习惯及嗜好.
(英国经验论,认为归纳法只是一种习惯)
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
达利: 鱼.
(西班牙画家, 超现实主义的代表者,
画作上的物体扭曲纠结,被认为在表现梦中或潜意识中的形象)
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
达尔文: 鸡不再栖居在树上之後,这是合理的进化方向.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
艾密莉.迪根森: 因为死亡将追赶上它.
(美国女诗人，她的诗常描写爱情、死亡和自然)
Epicurus: For fun.
伊比鸠鲁: 为了享乐.
(希腊哲学家;享乐主义者)
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
爱默生: 它并非穿过马路,而是超越了它.
(美国十九世纪作家,被认为是超验主义(transcendentalism)者)
Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
哥德: 为了遵照永恒的母鸡定律.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
海明威: 为了死. 在大雨中.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
海森堡: 我们不确定鸡在马路的哪一边, 但鸡的确是移动得很快.
(”测不准原理”的提出者)
Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.
杰克尼克逊: 它就是(消音)想要. 原因就是(消音)这样. (美国男演员;因为电影里脏话太多,被消音了)
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
皮罗: 甚麽路?
(希腊古代着名的怀疑论者)
The Sphinx: You tell me.
狮身人面怪物: 你告诉我答案.
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life.
梭罗: 为了有计划地生活… 并且吸取一切生活的菁华.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Howard Cosell: 这件事是历史上的一件大事. 一只前所未有的两足鸟类, 以无比的勇气完成原本只有人类才能完成的艰钜任务, 真是惊人的成就!
(纽约某电台的脱囗秀节目主持人)
Ronald Reagan: I forget.
雷根: 我忘记了.
(美国总统;患老年痴呆症)
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
马克吐温: 鸡过马路的消息被过份夸大了.
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
季诺: 为了证明它永远到不了另一边.
(希腊哲学家, 提出着名的希腊诡论,如阿奇里斯跑输乌龟。)
